Missing my Little Cherubs

I can't decide whether it's paradoxical or it makes perfect sense that I'll be utilizing my blog a ton more now that I'm on hiatus from Facebook.  More use makes sense, of course, but I'll have like 1/64th the amount of views since most of them came from Facebook.  I like attention and I like when people listen to what I happen to have to say (aka, when my statuses got liked on Facebook), which is why I like the silliness of Twitter.  I got 45 followers, yo.  Thing is, I'm a Dickens, not a Hemingway.  Y'all know that.  160 characters is hardly enough to hashtag a tweet, never mind compose a complete thought.  So I'll be taking to blogging to fulfill my personal attention-hog needs.  I approximate that this post will get about 17 views since it'll get tweeted about and not plastered all over Facebook.  Thanks you guyssssss.

I adore all of my classes this semester, despite all the hours of homework I'm unaccustomed to putting in.  My favorite is probably the one least relevant to my major- my Social Fact from Fiction Honors Seminar.  We read roughly a book a week, each of which is a fictional work that says something very factual about various social problems we face in society.  We're currently reading Black and Blue, by Anna Quindlen.  The title is a clever play on two things: bruises from domestic violence and her husband's position as a police officer.  It's got a compelling plot and makes you feel very real sympathy for the plight of Fran, our protagonist.  I'm just about through with it, but I'm not here to summarize or sell it to you.  I just want to talk about the characterization.

There are two characters in the novel hit close to home for me.  So close to home, in fact, that it was painful to read at moments.  One is Fran's sister, Gracie, and one is her son, Robert.  With Grace, it's the relationship of the sisters that brings me immediately to mine with Delia, while it's the actual character of Robert that brings Ewok to mind.  I actually post-it noted a few passages.  "Direct conversation had never been the way to engage [Eric]; I always had to wait through the silences for his words to swim up at me."  I saw, like a third person omniscient narrator might, myself sitting at the kitchen table, perhaps home from school on a break, watching Eric eat two Oreos with a glass of milk, reading the comics page (The Peanuts Gang first).  I could ask him a thousand questions--"How was school?  Learn anything interesting?  How's Mr. Specht doing?  What are you playing in orchestra?  Do you have hockey tonight?  How's [insert crush's name here]?"--and he'd answer in a quarter as many words--"Good.  Yeah.  He was okay.  The same pieces you played.  Yeah. I don't talk to her."  It wasn't until I bit my tongue and sat patiently that the good stuff would come out--"Oh!  Guess what Nick and Kyle and I decided at lunch about our mini-hockey team!"  And then I'd hear all the necessary updates on the Nebraska Knights, for which their friend Tom was Captain.  

Showing me via Skype
that they can dance

Or maybe a commercial would come on and remind Eric of a thought he had.  He'd ask a question about music and I'd launch happily into an hour-long explanation of chords and chord progressions and lead sheets, shocking Eric with the news that notation exists beyond sheet music.  Just like Fran's son in the story.  Maybe all teenage boys are like that.  Regardless, Fran's son also has the same birthday as Ewok does.  I was going to rhetorically ask what the odds of that are, but my Stats class last semester definitely taught me how to figure it out.  The odds are precisely 1/365.  

The relationship between Fran and her little sister Gracie is my favorite thing about this book.  The closeness of the sisters was established early on and referenced often enough so you never forgot it.  "If only I could talk to my sister, the way I had in the half-light of our bedroom when we were girls, the street lamps shining in a divot of yellow across our twin beds.  If only I could talk to [Delia] the way I did when we were younger, lying in the darkness listening to her questions, answering them as best I could."  There are dozens of lines in the book that sound like this.  Like the author had seen some picture of Delia and me giggling across the room to each other in hushed tones when Mom thought we were asleep.  No such picture exists, of course.  There is absolutely no evidence of the late-night chats that left us with dark circles under our eyes.  We were excellent at feigning sleep.  Mom totally never had a clue (Read as: Mom totally let us have our fun because she was glad we didn't fight).  

Infamous SISTERS Face

If I went to bed later than Delia did--being three years older, I deserved a later bed time--she waited up for me.  We shared a room for ten years and did this every night.  I cried when I spent the first night in my own room at the age of 15.  We got over it, but we've always had this unspoken agreement of saying good night since then.  That meant that one of us would go to the other's room and we'd say all the things and ask all the questions and show all the texts and share all the gossip we hadn't had a chance to during the day.  Usually it was in my room, since I always went to bed later, plus we wouldn't wake anyone up laughing from downstairs.  Even now, five years later, it's still the tradition when I'm home from school.  We've both fallen asleep on my bed, waking up confused in the middle of the night.  

Well anyway, Grace was what Fran missed most when she moved across the country under a new name to escape her abusive husband.  Fran referenced those good times with her sister frequently.  One such tradition was calling each other to trade horror stories after Thanksgiving dinner.  It wasn't until months after Fran and her son settled in that new town with their new names that she picked up the phone and called her sister after Thanksgiving dinner.  For four straight pages I sobbed with Frannie and Gracie.  In a happy story, you cry for the sad parts.  In a sad story, you cry for the happy ones.  



In retrospect, the lines that reminded me of Delia and Eric were less convincing than I remembered them being.  There are definite parallels, but no one else would have noticed.  It just goes to show that I see Delia and Eric everywhere I look.  I've said it before and I hope you believe me: I adore my siblings more than anything else in the world.  

You see the resemblance too, right?

Top Twelve Memories of 2012

We all know the entire ordeal of 2012 has been a whirlwind of a time.  Here are things that will make me smile most to look back on:

12) HUSKY HUNT

Some hated the Hunt, some slept through it, and some even went mysteriously missing.  I’m a competitive and enthusiastic person, though, so I took it seriously and went hard, going on a two-hour walk (getting romantic with Meredith under an archway in a park--Sorry, Eric), a six-hour bike ride through Cambridge in the coldest hours of night (spying a rather beautiful sunrise), and a 5-hour walk through Beacon Hill (encountering men dressed as a vampire gangster, a smoking Santa, and a hot dog).  The Rubik’s Cubes (Shannon, LV, Mer, Eric, Laura, Ryan, Al, Andy, Harrison, Joe, Aimee, and myself) did a lot of bonding, invented some creative Lion poses, and placed at a proud 28 out of 50.

11) Fiction of the Year

I need a broad topic to acknowledge a few things I fan-girled over this year: Doctor Who, Rod McKuen’s poetry, and How I Met Your Mother, plus how I reaffirmed my love affair with Harry Potter.  The Whovians of Northeastern (Laura, Lauren Belle, and Mer) turned me onto the BBC show Doctor Who in 2011, but it wasn’t until this year that I watched the 2005 Revival in its entirety.  I am enamored.  Like many, Ten is my favorite Doctor--his cheekiness, arrogance, and scientific, timey-wimey jargon never fail to delight--but I adored Eleven’s relationship with Amy and Rory and cried as though real people died at the end of The Angels Take Manhattan.  Plus, after converting Eric into a more obsessed Whovian than I am, we explored some Scarf-y Fourth Doctor silliness.  It’s an excellent show.  I apologize for losing many of you in that rant.  On a more lovey-dovey note, I fell in even deeper amour 
with the poetry of Rod McKuen.  Don’t take my word for it, just check his books out.  I’ll leave you with some sweet one-liners for inspiration: “I’ll stay awhile / and track the hidden country of your smile,” “I want to see the world within the circle of your arms,” and “You see how easily we fit together, as if God’s own hand had cradled only us.”  Go.  Read.  Bask in the Romance.  Delia and I discovered How I Met Your Mother this year and watch

Character pose!

 every episode together.  It’s our thing.  It’s a brilliantly crafted sitcom that I dwelled on enough in my Broken Jaw post.  Lastly, Andrea, Rebecca, and I rekindled our love for Harry Potter this summer by instating a book and movie club, culminating in a costume party double feature of the 7th and 8th movies: I dressed as Luna, Andrea as Dobby (complete with an authentic pillow case dress), Rebecca as Mad-Eye Moody, and even Jacqui donned feathers and hooted that she was Hedwig.  (Only my character survived.)  Danielle, Paige, and Christina made it to some events, and we even brewed Butterbeer.  Those nights MADE my summer.  

10) Classy Dinner Party

I think that that evening, which preceded Hurricane Monday, is a nice way to commemorate my friendship with the Duplex and generally how wonderful life is with the lovely ladies of WVF616.  My fantastic roomies humored me by helping make high-effort food (a.k.a. it required more work than just microwave preparation), cleaning (you could see the tabletop for the first time in WEEKS), and dressing all fancy for the occasion (not that they needed telling twice, those foxes!).  We had Mer, Belle, LV, Sarah, Laura, Shannon, Chris*, Nick, Charlie, Adam (1), and Adam (2) in attendance.  Lots of inside jokes were born, including those associated with hair gel.

9) North End Adventure

A freshman year classic.  On a whim, Sarah, Meredith, Lauren Belle, and I decided we’d love ourselves some Italian chow for dinner.  No one else was around to invite, so we just set sail for the North End, spawning jokes like “Two ships passing in the night,” Spite houses/babies, and immature playground silliness, in addition to scoring an awesome dinner at Cafe Pompeii.  We still sometimes reference that random adventure, just because it’s such a perfect example of the casual, random craziness of our little group of friends.

8) Sonata Arctica

What would even be the point of a Top 2012 list without the year's top music?  I finally got to see my favorite band in the world (literally, out of all world music), Sonata Arctica, live at the Palladium.  They're a Finnish power metal band that I've been in music love with since I was 16.  Andy took the trek to Worcester with me and we had a good time reconnecting on the long train ride.  Eric was kind enough to chauffeur us around the city, stating plainly that it wasn't a fantastic area to be walking around in at night.  The warm-up acts sucked and the venue was a frigid little cavern, but the band and their loud, melodic music, played at speeds to rival Olympian track runners, lived up to every expectation I've set for them in the last three years.  

7) Family Holidays

I can never stress enough how critical my family is to me every day of my life.  Of course there's my brother, who made me the sweetest Doctor Who themed Christmas card; my sister, who, though full of sass sometimes, still admits to missing me and needing help other times; my dad, who thinks in the same erratic patterns as I do and shares my affinities for coffee, Mulberry Street pizza, and the TNT show Leverage; and my mom, who never stops giving to her children and supports all the endeavors we undertake, from driving to and from rehearsals to cheering on the benches at a freezing November dek hockey game.  

Then, there's all the extended family we see at as many holidays as we can: Nonni, with her world-renowned Christmas cookies; Nonno, with the stern face he wears when he asks about boys; Aunt Terry, who always wore the silly Halloween sweatshirt and socks because I asked her to; Uncle Vic, who teases incessantly; Cassie, who we eagerly catch up with the few times we see her; Bella, who fits in as easily talking with the older cousins as she does making trouble with the little ones; Uncle Ettore, who we always seem to give Pannettone for Christmas; "Uncle" Paul, who said Hermi-one until I corrected him; Aunt Renee, with her sweet smile; crazy Robbie, who hasn't let me hug him since he was 3; Michael, who has not followed in Robbie's footsteps and still smiles for my pictures; Uncle Bruce, who might be the most patient person I've ever met; Aunt Michelle, who designates me babysitter for these holiday gatherings, since being around kids is "the best birth control, and you're old enough to be told this!"; Dario, who has the same voice as Uncle Bruce; Sebastian Pasquale, who's too little to be sassy yet; Uncle Frank, who apparently rolled under a couch as an infant; Uncle Gianni, whose eyes smile when he tells stories about his merry life as a bus driver; (Aunt Maria, who had the heartiest, happiest laughter I ever heard); Uncle Mark, who's young 

enough to make relatable jokes about the craziness of college but also old enough to whack me upside the head for the same craziness; sweet Aunt Angela, who we beg to make pecan pies to every holiday; Luke, the little cousin who's cute enough to get away with making mischief; Ava, who puts on my makeup when I'm not looking; Uncle Mario, who always says "Ciao, bella," when he hugs; Aunt Angela, who's been all over the world and shares my birthday; Aunt Grace, my scatter-brained, silly, and loving Godmother; Uncle Ignazio, who taught us to sing I Dodici Giorni di Natale; and Marianna, who's kind enough to still hang out with the kiddies even though she's thoroughly a grown-up these days.  

Mr. and Mrs. Gustav Samuel Johannes

And so on and so forth.  Any holiday.  Every holiday.  

6) Company

Go on, roll your eyes.  I wander around humming songs, I quote the lyrics whether or not anyone knows what I'm talking about, and I always cite it as one of the most interestingly interpreted shows ever.  Quite obviously, I'm actually just saying how lucky I was to be a part of Northeastern's fabulous production.  I'm lucky I had so many friends come see it and share the experience with me and I can't wait for the next one.  But seriously, give the show a shot.  

5) Freshman Year Move-Out

No, this wasn't a happy memory.  It was actually one of the saddest days ever, but that was purely because my freshman year was such a good memory--and I mean every minute of it.  The whole feeling of my first year as a Husky is mirrored in how sad I was to leave in April.  I was sad to see the end of all those fantastic times: Zombie musicals, late night Dominoes after MIT parties, hours in the piano rooms, gathering the usual suspects for dinner, movie nights, common room shenanigans, and Trojan War tactics are just a few of the ridiculous happenings that gave flavor to my freshman year.  Moving out was a sad day because it would be the end of those times, but the sadness only reflected how fantastic a year it was.

4) Woodloch Pines

I've written an entire blog about this beautiful little patch of the universe already.  If you don't understand how it can be such a monumental cornerstone in the lives of my family and the Schizzanos by this point, then I can't help you understand anymore.  

3) Getting My Braces Off

The joy of being officially done with all things dental (save for wearing a retainer very night) far exceeded the irritation of my gums bleeding for a few days.  That day was a reflection of all the things my family and I had survived: a year of braces and surgical wires, a six-hour surgery, the most horrible night in the hospital, and weeks of numbness and an all-liquid diet.  Well, I'm still numb, but in the scheme of everything else, I'll take what I can get.  We survived!

2) Delia's Sweet Sixteen

I've written a whole blog on this one too, which you should check out if you haven't.  Here's an abridged version: When a Sweet Sixteen is done right, it's both a party and an emotional experience.  We had a fantastic time at Delia's, dancing and singing, watching the video her friends prepared as a surprise, her emotional candle ceremony (I cried my fake eye lashes off), and taking pictures with the beautiful birthday princess.  We had all of Delia's friends in attendance, plus Chelsea, Sydney, Mr. & Mrs. Schizzano, Miss Denise the ballet 

ACTUALLY a fairy princess.

teacher, all the Brengel cousins (even if the boys were being difficult about dancing), Justin (who let us put a pink crown on him for half a second), the Miliones, the Finellis, and Ginger.  We had our traditional eating leftover food and opening gifts into the wee hours of the morning session afterwards.  It certainly was a fairy-tale of an evening with the whole family.






And the biggest, most monumental moment of my 2012?

1) Moving In for Sophomore Year

I remember crystal clearly that when we drove over the I-90 bridge and the city of Boston came into view, Big City Nights by the Scorpions was playing and I was giddy with excitement to see all my Huskies again.  Maybe I didn't know exactly what was in store for the year but we all knew if it was anything like last year had been, every day would be an adventure.  And every day has been a greater adventure than the last, filled with Photo shoots, Mixfest, TV Show Viewing Parties, Aquarium detours, Birthday dinners, Boston Pops concerts, Holiday festivities, getting dressed up to go teach other's concerts, and  random city excursions.  What's most special about life at Northeastern, though, is how sitting at home playing Cards Against Humanity, improvising ridiculous song lyrics, watching Trapped in the Closet, playing enough music to peel the skin off my fingers, having random dance breaks, or even just catching up on each others' lives over a bowl of cookie dough is just as fulfilling as any big adventure.  I can't confine all the laughing, nerding-out, dancing, teasing, screaming, craziness of life at Northeastern into one concise memory, so instead, my top memory from this year is the giddy anticipation I felt that day in the car for all of the times that would be had.  I can't thank my mom and dad enough for supporting me in my decision to be a Northeastern Husky and I couldn't be more blessed to have met the fantastic people that I did. 

Thank you EVERYONE in my life for all the wonderful things you gave me this year.  It certainly wasn't an easy year, what with a broken jaw, a hurricane, losing two elderly aunts, and the lamentable loss of a friend.  I truly don't know how I'd have gotten through without the support, advice, and warm embraces of all my family and friends.  My resolution for 2013 is to give as much back to you all as you've given me.  



*Editor's Note: Chris dislikes when I refer to him as Chrissy.

A Smattering of the Many Things I'm Grateful For this Thanksgiving

Christmas Trees     Chuck Palahniuk novels     Live music     Spotify     Jello     Mom's homemade mashed potatoes     Late nights watching How I Met Your Mother with Delia     The Thanksgiving Day Parade     Considering myself a part of two of the most beautiful cities in existence     Holy Cross Roman Catholic Church     Doctor Who     How Dad never complains about picking me up from the city     That Sandy killed my backyard but left my house and family in perfect health     The incredible amount of support I've had from countless friends and family lately     Starbucks     Gustav, the most beautiful bass I could have asked for     Halloween candy     Being a part of Company     Every tiny, insignificant thing about Northeastern     That I didn't make the kick line team in ninth grade and became a music kid instead     Slippers     My adorable little cousins     The advice and guidance from my older cousins     Skiing     Drummers     Flat irons      Shredded cheese     Harry Potter books     That of all thirteen schools I applied to, I ended up at Northeastern University     Husky Hunt     Crepes     The Pep Band     Nutella     Northeastern Hockey Games     That Nonni and Nonno and Grandma Mary are healthy and happy as ever     Lifeteen     Seinfeld     e.e. cummings poetry     Cozy sweatshirts     The friends who hugged me when I cried at the cemetery yesterday     Buona Sera garlic knots     That Alice in Wonderland exists    Musicals in and about New York City     My correctly aligned jaw     That my parents met and fell in love and got married and had me to begin with     That Laura is so accommodating about my messiness and wacky music schedule     Wedges and high heels     That 2 am no-boundaries conversation with Meredith the other night     Chinese food     Bruce Springsteen music     Nerdfighter culture     New York pizza     Being Italian     That Eric texts me goodnight, every night    That I loved Smithtown High School West so much     Pit orchestras     Flip Flops     Breaking Amish   Aunt Grace and Uncle Kenny, my godparents     That Chris, Charlie, Peter, Lauren V, Lauren B, Laura, Ryan, Sarah, Andy, Harrison, and Alfred came to see and hear me in Company     Blogger     Disney magic     That Chris would rather spend three hours tutoring me in Stats than be bored while I spend one hour at the professor's Office Hours     Yearbooks     Everything I learned from Aunt Maria while she fought cancer     Billy Joel     Mr. Nolan's English class     EVERYTHING from the Romantic Era     Easter eggs     That I could have made things work at any university, but that things just work beautifully at Northeastern     Delia's dance recitals     Andy's unbiased and unabashed honesty and advice     That Christie, Brianna, and Alissa are at Northeastern too     David Tennant     My beautiful and sexy 616 apartment and even sexier roommates     That Alaric gives the best hugs known to humankind     Orange soda     How beautiful everything looks when it's snowing     Holiday decorations     That Mom cares enough to bug me for every detail of my life     That I've had my heart broken so few times     The unfathomable potential of every human being     Board games     Chick flicks     My room at home     All the wonderful things Sarah bakes     The picture perfect memories from the Last Day of High School, Prom, and Graduation     That there's never been anything I can't confide in my sister     J.K. Rowling's entire life     Crappy magazines like Rolling Stone and Cosmo     Cheesy flamingo memorabilia     Woodloch Pines     My fairy-tale Sweet Sixteen and all the amazing things I learned from having it     That Lauren Bell never gets annoyed at me for asking for Accounting help     Husky Hunt the second time around    That Dad was so thoughtful to pick me up a 7-11 coffee this morning     Cinnabons     June Claire Dance Centers     That even though we're stressed like crazy getting ready to have 18 guests over, we do have 18 happy and healthy guests we love and can't wait to see     Wicked the musical, but also the book because it gave someone the idea for the musical     That Lauren V is always telling me how fantastic and perfect we all are     That Nothing Changes     That I have the two legs, feet, arms, hands, ears, and eyes; ten fingers and toes; and a nose, mouth, and brain that God gave me to appreciate the world with     Finnish power metal     Mark Twain's writing     Tampons     Eye lash curlers     Converse sneakers     Facebook     That Shannon visits so often even though she doesn't live with us     That Ginger could come to both my and my sister's Sweet Sixteen     When Mom gives me a back scratch     Harry Potter World     What the Pluck?!    Living next door to the Geriens     Marshall Half Stacks     That one time I got to play a Juzek bass in a hole-in-the-wall jazz shop     IV Dining hall pizza     Elevators, ramps, the wheels on my bass case, and all the sympathetic people that hold the door open     Eleven years of bus rides with Jacqui     Stetson East cookies     Every piece of music I've ever listened to and every piece that's waiting to be heard     That I have a bed to sleep in every night     Books and sheet music that smell old     Paws the Husky     That my family misses me when I'm gone, and that I miss them too     Fourth of July Fireworks     Italian ices     Everything that's caramel-flavored     Music     Too many perfect Blue Flamingo vacations to count     Rebecca's Cafe brunches with Christie     That Northeastern's campus is so beautiful, especially for a city school     The Charles River    That picture-perfect moment when Train was singing "Drops of Jupiter" and I was standing alone in the rain     The sights, sounds, odds, ends, and quirks of New York City     Every confused morning when the story of last night gets told to me     That Marianna is only ever a text away when I need her     That Delia asked me to be her sponsor     Twitter     Stephen Sondheim     That Uncle Vic married Aunt Terry     Apple picking as a family tradition     Woodloch crumb cake     That so many people cared enough to check on me this summer when my jaw was banded shut     That my jaw was banded shut and my liquid diet lost me fifteen pounds     Rubber ducks     Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky     The fantastic family vacations Mom and Dad work so hard to take us on     That I had my nineteenth birthday this year     102.3 WBAB     My mac     Grimm, Perrault, and Andersen fairy tales     That Gustav and I played at Staller Center, Carnegie Hall, and Lincoln Center together     Sade, my creamsicle colored bass guitar     That Delia still asks for my help picking out outfits     My crazy curly hair     Secret brand deodorant     Aerie underwear     Glitter glue     That I'm part of the Honors Program at such a good school in such a wonderful city     Rebecca's Cafe sandwiches     My job at Au Bon Pain     That I'm so in love with my major, literally every day of my life     The bright walls in my room     The Cousins Day we had at Lorella, Danielle, Bob, and Justin's this summer     Those vacations we took to Montauk with Aunt Angela, Uncle Mario, Marianna, and Alessia all those years ago     That Nonni and Nonno care about their time and resource-consuming grandkids as much as they do     All the Tooth Fairy, Easter bunny, and Santa Claus stories Mom and Dad fabricated so well for us     Cursive handwriting     That I was School President in fifth grade     That Mr. Roth, my middle school orchestra teacher, had such a positive influence on my appreciation for music     The Smithtown West Music Department family     That the twelve basses I was Section Leader to still call me Mom     Old photos     The Doll House Nonno made for me and Deels     That Nonni taught me how to sew     Grilled cheese sandwiches     Leonardo DiCaprio movies     All the hours they tolerate my presence in the Duplex     All the classy literature and art and music Danielle and I obsess over     Everything I learned my freshman year of college; in the classroom, about life, and about myself     The entertaining antics of Alfred and Harrison     My friendship with Mary, even if it's so much more difficult to maintain since she moved to North Carolina seven years ago     Sweet Sixteen Season     My twin, Brian     Thelemon-scented candle Mrs. Ralph bought me     The purple V neck that Richie wears     That Brianna, Rebecca, Danielle, and Sean called to check on me last Thursday     Ms. Riccoboni's Italian class     Winky, my little Nissan Altima that's as old as I am     Springy beds     Fan fiction     Bananas     That Mike is so good at pestering me to keep in touch with him     Family Gatherings on every Holiday we can     Lindt chocolate     New York bagels     Becca-Brina Christmases     That Tasha was an awesome freshman year roommate     The Blue Flamingo Tradition     The Northeastern bass family: Peter, Colin, Jason, and me     Cold weather     That Lauren kept me company when I sadly and slowly packed up my life in 933 IV last April     That Rebecca knows how much I love and need her, even when I'm God awful at keeping in touch     That Deels and Alex became friends, and then so did Sarah and I over a Play-Doh bakery in fourth grade     That Kimmie and I grew a beautiful friendship out of seeing each other once a week at tap class     Rod McKuen's writing     That Alyssa lived around the block from me in Kindergarten     Sudoku     Carlsson bass rosin     Centennial Quad     How beautiful and quirky Beacon Hill is     New England Clam Chowder     The memory of Deels and I staring jaw-dropped at each other when Daniel Radcliffe got hoisted into the air for the Opening scene of How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying     Condiments with Joanna     The Port Jeff ferry     Huntington Avenue     Upton Basses in Mystic, Connecticut     Diaries     My signed copy of Diary, the book     Reeds from Palm Sunday     Northeastern's Husky Hockey team and the hot hockey players     How beautiful Boston is     The T     The way Rebecca and Mike wiped away the tears during our last Adoration together     The fantastic inside jokes Paige and Danielle and I had in Mr. (CrapICan'tRemeberHisName)'s AP Euro class Tenth Grade     Harry Potter as a cultural phenomenon     Eoin Colfer and the Artemis Fowl series     Gas stations     Vanity Plates     Paved roads     That I've never had to go hungry     Charities     The BSO and Boston Pops     The Lilac-themed tea house Brian and I went to for lunch one time     The feeling of being a Goddess when you shave your legs     The color of Dan Frank's hair at prom     The Lifeteen Core that still inspire me     The amazing evening the five of us girls saw Legally Blonde together     That there's a Heaven waiting for all the loved ones I've lost     Rosaries     That Aunt Maria, Aunt Ruth, Uncle George, Grandpa Ken, and Katie will always be a part of me on some level     The feeling of being hugged by someone who loves you     The number of family members and friends I love and who love me back     The way two people's faces light up when they see each other after a long time apart     All the things I take for granted     Every kind of love

And most importantly, I'm thankful for everyone I've ever met because whether you suspect it or not, you've influenced me along the way to becoming the person I am today.  I can't thank you enough for helping me into living the life I do.  

Thank you.

All Hail Northeastern

Friday night was my last night living in International Village.  A lot of summer goodbyes were said, each of which was highly emotional.  Shannon, Lauren, Sean, Iris, Chris, Alaric, Meredith, Sarah, Andy, and Tasha all left before Saturday.

It's more sad than I'd have ever conceived.  Tasha's part of the room had been packed for a few days, but there were cardboard boxes and suitcases and food splayed across the desk.  Once she really moved out, there was this pervading sense of emptiness in the room.  I had to face my own wall when I was on the computer to avoid looking at the blankness.

Saturday morning was an early start to pack up the entire room.  Lauren was up too and sat with me while it happened.  I'm glad I didn't have to pack alone.  She and Ryan left over the course of the day, and I helped Laura move into Smith for Prism.  After these thirteen farewells, it got really lonely.  My family packed me up and moved me out, and then I just had to empty the recycles and trash one more time.  When I was standing in 933 IV for the last time, I got kind of overwhelmed.  That room was my home for eight months.  I had a really beautiful view of Roxbury everyday.  I slept, studied, laughed, cried, lived, and grew in that room.  To see it return to looking exactly as it did on Day One two semesters ago was beyond sad.  I had one last view out the window, shut the lights, and left the room dark and empty.

What bothers me is that it looks EXACTLY as it did when we first moved in.  This is exactly as it will look when the new freshies move in.  My opinion when we first moved in was that the undecorated room looked a bit like a jail cell: it was a blank diary, waiting for Tasha and I to fill its pages.  Now, I KNOW we've written all over every page of it, but the unforgiving white walls don't reflect that.  It's like all our memories are erased.  WE know those adventures live on, but not a single soul to live there next will.  It's disconcerting.

What will I remember most about this year?  Decorating the room that first night till 2 am, The Good, the Bad, the Weird in Andy's room, the time we watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure in Scott and Sean's room, Harry Potter Movie-thons, the time Tasha and I went Christmas shopping at Marshall's, the Doctor Who marathon, girl talks, girl talks accompanied by beverages, Christmas decorations for all of second semester, that time we all agreed that if I was a phone company I'd be Virgin Mobile, piecing together the previous night over a noon breakfast, Russell Brand tickets, Halloweekend, bringing home ABP goodies, The Vow for Valentine's Day, HUSKY HUNT, jamming in Ryder at 11 at night, lik-ing dis if u cry evertim, doing homework in the room of whoever's door was bolted, watching Thomas the Tank Engine, playing Kings, shooting A True Gentleman, Relay for Life, impromptu adventure in the North End, two ships passing in the night, cleansing my palate, stealing dining hall cookies, the midnight Hunger Games premiere, the Rageous War, family dinners, Snow Ball, ALL the That's What She Said and Sounds Like My First Time jokes, Grease-Sing Along, eating sushi in class, agreeing that Indian food is always a good idea, questioning each other's taste in fruit, maneuvering sailing/musical debris every night, surviving the Poltergeist, LOTS of tickling, that time we wrote a musical about dancing zombies, an eighteen page paper on Wicked, getting through Saint Patrick's Day, reading the Manual, CALL ME MAYBE?, suggestively reading Cosmo to each other, the Christmas Rager, fermenting yeast, the Hot Guy Wall, The Art Exhibit, long walks by the Charles, NUSO concerts, erratic sleep schedules, those times we shared all the details of all the stories, and most vividly, seeing each other off one by one.

Next fall as the Sexy Six of Six-Sixteen can't get here quickly enough  Those I haven't hugged in person recently took some photo spamming to the wall, and I'm just more anxious to see your smiling faces. Come back, please?

THANK YOU.  Everyone who played any small part in making my freshman year at Northeastern so fantastic deserves the most sincere thank you, from my parents, for letting me go, to the dining hall workers who didn't speak English.  All the Tremont Street Raiders, all the music majors, the RAs, the Pep Band people, the professors, and every student I met helped make this the most epic year I could have dreamed up.  There are things I'd do differently, and things I wouldn't change for the world.  I'm just glad it all happened.  I'm proud of who this year has helped me become, and I owe it to beautiful Boston, Northeastern, and every single Husky I've met for helping me grow so much.

I truly can't wait to see you all again soon.

"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."

Not the most uplifting of blogs, but hey, I needed to rant. 

Everything is fleeting.  It never seemed so before, but since getting to school it’s all I can  say about the way time flies.  Being in a big university in a big city, where people come and go from school, their homes, co-ops, and jobs-- any of which can be as close as Boylston, Massachusetts or Stony Brook on Long Island, or as difficult to visit as Fort Mitchell, Kentucky or Sarasota, Florida, OR as far off as Egypt or China or Australia.  People are here one semester and then just gone before you have the chance to really connect.  Life moves so quickly.  You can't keep EVERYONE you meet in your life, but there's practically no time to develop anything before you have to choose whether to move on or not.  It's so difficult.    

The word "hiatus" is a really effective word.  Something about it implies its meaning while sounding sophisticated.

Al and Shannon are hanging out in La Venue of Sabrina while we all do work.  It's rather lovely, especially since I was away from my sweet angelface friends all weekend.

Speaking of La Venue de Tasha and Sabrina, I have a crystal-clear memory of moving into 933 IV on August 31, 2011.  Tasha was walking out of IV and I was walking in when we first met.  We clicked right from the beginning, and then went up to arrange the room.  I just have this Nikon picture in my head of the white, white walls and bare beds and empty closets.  And I was trying to figure out how to make that room feel like home.  I can’t imagine anything else now.  There are pictures all over and cards and tickets and playbills and posters hanging everywhere, there’s leftover Christmas decorations, there’s random secret message crap hanging all over from the Rageous War, and there are messes and clothes and food and homework all over.  The room is so lived-in.  In less than two weeks, it’s all gotta go.  It’s terrifying.  It was one thing packing up all my clothes and things at home and bringing them to school-- it wasn’t actually everything I own.  Whenever I go home there’s still pajamas and shoes and hair ties and books waiting for me.  That room has never been entirely purged.  933 IV will be though.  There’s got to be nothing left.  

One other thing is bothering me.  Since getting to school I’ve learned a lot about music and my future and myself and I’ve met FANTASTIC people and we’ve had the most wonderful adventures and jokes and bonding experiences in the course of a year.  Of course it’s going to go on next year, but that’s also what’s going to happen this summer (after I’m done being bedridden from surgery).  And that’s what happens whenever I go home and reconnect with my friends and family there.  I gained so, so much at school.  More than I have room for in my life.  I’m now in this awkward position where I will never have all of those people and classes and music in my life at one time.  All these things that make up my life and who I am, I won’t ever be able to fit into my life.  There will always be someone or something missing, right down to where I am; I love New York and I love Boston but I can’t have both things I love at once.  This understanding doesn’t fit into my schema of how life works.  I’m confused by knowing that my life will never be complete all at once.  I don’t quite know how to handle it.  That was what I loved a lot about my Sweet Sixteen--everyone and everything that mattered made it into one night.  Granted, my life has grown and gained so many more dimensions since then that I couldn’t even recreate that feeling at my Graduation Party (I had to have two to accomodate everyone!).  I’d never choose to go back to only knowing that small corner of the world, but it was a perfect night for that time of my life.  I don’t foresee a day when I’ll ever be so whole again.  I don’t mean to complain about being lucky enough to have such a full life; it’s just a paradox I’m living with.  A lot of kids my age are going to have to live with it.  

On a happier note, Doctor Who and Chinese food go together excellently, as I learned last night after a 7 hour journey from Smithtown to Boston.  It made me feel much better about my crappy Monday. 

Quotes of the Day: 

"Oh by the way, how's your Yiddish?" Feinstein

"ME WOVE WOU!!" Note left by my darling brother and sister and discovered by me today.

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true.

The most important happening of the last few weeks would undoubtedly be Delia's Sweet Sixteen.  The whole occasion was beautiful, both aesthetically and in nature.  The whole affair was actually about twelve hours long and they were the most perfect twelve hours.

I guess things got started around 1:30 pm when Deels had her hair appointment.  I was curling my hair in the bathroom downstairs already because I had to have enough time afterwards to get dressed and do my own makeup as well as Delia's.  Eric was with me, watching the Doctor Who Season 2 Finale.  It was really sweet because the whole weekend was so focused on Deels that spending two hours with Eric pestering me ("What'd he do that for?" "Are they going to explain that?" "WHAT?!" "Pleeeaaase tell me!") was really nice.

She got back around 3:30, at which point I did her makeup.  This took like an hour.  But was entirely worth it!  It then took her 45 minutes to get into her own dress and shoes, over the course of which I finished my hair, did my own makeup, and got dressed.

We left the house at 5:30 and got to the hotel with plenty of time to set up candles and centerpieces and take lots of pictures with the help of our beautiful and professionally dressed photographer, Cristina! She did a fantastic job and I'm DYING to see all the pictures!

It was wonderful to have all the family together again.  All the Raggis, Brengels, Gasperis, Scagliolas, Stracquadanios, Finellis, Miliones, Ginger, and the Schizzanos (because what's the difference really, when we've been so involved in each other's lives for thirteen years) were all together with all of Delia's close friends, dance friends, Lifeteen friends, theater friends, and family friends.  Lots of dancing and merriment. Except for like the 14 cousins that refused to dance with me.  Let me tell you, you missed out.

Then, of course, there was the whole spiel of Sweet Sixteen traditions over the course of the evening.  We had her photo montage of every adorable picture ever taken of Deels from birth to like the week before the party.  Seeing as every picture taken of my photogenic sister is adorable, there were lots of pictures.  I'm flattered by the number of pictures I was in with her. :)

Her friends that love her so much put together a sweet video in which they re-wrote the lyrics to "I Will Survive" to be about surviving our parents' bad dancing at the party, with verses about how each of them met her and her importance in their lives.  Since I don't exactly remember meeting her for the first time, my verse was just fluff like "Our inside jokes range from pretzel dance to wedge of lime."  It makes sense, I swear. ("Manic waitress at Ninety-Nine: "WOULD YOU LIKE A WEDGE OF LIME WITH THAT?!") She was entirely shocked and thrilled.  The whole thing went over nicely.

THE FOOD WAS GODLY.

Then of course there was her candle lighting ceremony.  Guys, remember all the crying we did at mine?  We did just as much, if not more at Delia's.  She's always been a fantastic writer and she really shined with these seventeen candles.  I am more than honored to receive her second out of seventeen candles.  I talk a lot about how close we are, but hearing her talk about it, and how difficult it gets when I'm in Boston and she's home, made it sound all different.  I started crying at the second candle and never really stopped.   "Sisters by blood, but more importantly, sisters by choice." :') <3

She then had her father-daughter dance and her grandfather-daughter dance and we had ice cream.  There was also a Grease Sing Along and a Hand jive competition.  It was rather excellent.

The party ended at 11, but it was midnight before we got home, considering all the decorations, centerpieces, favors, gifts, leftover food and cake, and goodbyes.  Once we were all changed into the most comfortable slippers (heels are hard on your feet!) and pajamas we own, we ate our way through a lot of the leftover food and cake and opened all her gifts.  "We" includes Ginger, who we are always thrilled to have stay with us.  We started missing her the hour she left. :( But Delia got some truly precious things!  I had a playlist running of all the songs that had been involved in the party-her entrance, her candles, the favorites played by the DJ- and it was a great hour and a half to close up the festivities.  I remember how hard it was after my party to just go home and go to bed when you were still all abuzz.  This tradition is almost as precious as the party.

As everyone else went to sleep, Deels and I then continued our long-standing tradition of hanging out in my bed and talking before going to sleep.  At this point we were both exhausted and only lasted about a half hour before falling asleep together.  It was kind of cute except we felt gross waking up with our faces still caked in makeup.

The moral of the story is that it was a beautiful day.  The only tiny glitch was that it was awful hair weather out.  Let's be honest; if that's the biggest problem we had, then we're truly lucky.

I was trying to explain all of this to Andy, who looked at me a combination of confusion and disbelief at all the components of the party.  He said, "It sounds like some bizarre coming-of-age ritual from another culture."  It kind of is.  It's a really fun thing, but it's also a deeply emotional thing.  My Sweet Sixteen was the night of my life and this was the night of Delia's.  I could not be more blessed to have the sister I do and I'm grateful we got to share these nights with each other.

:) <3

On another note,

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.

I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.  I hate braces.    

I actually physically wrote out that sentence forty-two times without copying or pasting to make it clear just how much I hate braces.  I actually do not plan to ever have kids, partly so I never have to put them through anything related to the Orthodontist.  

I generally make it a point to be a happy person.  I like to bask in the happiness of all my family and friends and music and books and just be happy.  Do you ever get filled with negative energy?  There are times when I'm just filled unnecessarily with anxious or angry energy and it's all I can do to get rid of it healthily. It's the most aggravating thing ever.  You know the feeling; that one Facebook post on someone else's wall that implies you're being left out, that assignment that you're entirely restructuring the night before it's due, that friendship you tried so hard to keep alive but is just useless now, that bracket that fell off your tooth when you weren't even eating something chewy, (and the fact that you have to go through the braces crap for a second time anyway)--things that just make you go a little crazy.  My advice for coping when you just want to yell and punch your pillow is to invest some time and money in a spoon, a jar of Nutella, and some old Seinfeld re-runs.  

Watching Grease:

"I feel like a defective typewriter." Rizzo

"I hope you don't plan to need that line..." Sean

It was much, much funnier in the moment.

"ME WOVE WOO." Deels
"HOW COME ANY TIME I DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE THEY MAKE A WEIRD FACE AT ME?" Also Deels

"You don't have any reason to sing a sad song like that." Me

"I'm sad because I'M ALONE." Deels
"BUT YOU HAVE ME!" Eric
(It's rather less funny without the screaming and accents and pushing each other around.)

I love my family like a lot, a lot, a lot.  I'm so grateful that they came all the way to Boston for a two hour orchestra concert, and even managed to all be excited about it.
Side note, my brother is starting to know more about the history of Doctor Who than I know, in addition to teaching himself the main theme on cello.  As far as brothers go, it really doesn't get any better.

God, I am blessed to live the life I do.  When I get whiny, don't let me forget that.

Mirror, mirror? And lots of Capital R Romance.

I am entirely undecided on how I feel about the season finale of Pretty Little Liars.  "A Day" came and it was so, so close to obeying the books... sort of.  In some ways the books were better, and in some ways the shows were.  It's under review until next season.


Also, their music supervision team went bananas in the last few episodes.  It's like they suddenly realized that field existed after paying it no attention for a season and a half and then jumped in without knowing anything about how to handle it.  The only appropriate music was soundtrack "scary" music and the lyric-less, melancholy tune that went with the credits.


A nun came into work yesterday to buy a salad.  She paid entirely in singles.  Isn't there kind of a connotation that comes with that....


Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and want to laugh?  I'm just an absolutely ridiculous excuse of a human being.  I'm not complaining, but how does anyone in the world take me seriously?  I have a hunch that no one really does.


On an unrelated note, I've never tried this, but seduction by cupcake sounds like it'd be a fantastic idea.  Who could resist a cupcake?


There's something that's just Romantic about the warm weather.  You don't need a partner to feel it.  All you have to do is love yourself and your own life.  I promise.


Sometimes, though, I just want to disappear.  Just lay on my bed and melt into it, or throw myself down on the grass  and get lost there.  If I don't want to look in a mirror, or feel embarrassed, or regret something, I just wish I could put myself in some little corner of the world where no one can find me for a little while.  And then I think about how many other people are probably feeling the same way.  We all just need a touch of redemption for anything we're not proud of.  We just need someone to tell us it wasn't our fault, or that we're still loved.  I want to be able to crawl back out of the hole I just dug for myself and throw my head back and arms out and shine.


I'm a romanticist, remember? What keeps life interesting is the possibility of having your dreams come true, after all.


So pretty much, I use this blog to get rid of the extra thoughts that cloud my head sometimes.  Like a ton of two-line vignettes just spilling out in whatever order my brain wants to get rid of them.  And sometimes, people are pretty entertained.  I'm flattered.  You should clear out your head too.  Send your thoughts back to me!  In a text or comment or Facebook message... I don't care who you are or how well we do or don't know each other.  No awkwardness, scout's honor!  I wanna quit having one-sided conversations with myself.  I HAVE AN EXCELLENT IDEA.  Send me a mailing address and I'll send you a letter!  Regardless of whether we're in different states or even down the hall at the same school, I WILL WRITE YOU A REALLY FUN LETTER IF YOU SOMEHOW GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS.


I'm speaking directly to you, dear reader.  I know you want to look around and say, "Who, me?" assuming I mean the closer friend who read this and answered me already, or the really distant friend I want to reconnect with, but I don't.  I mean you, reading this right now.   


I promise I'm not desperate for friends, but guys, this is going to be awesome.